Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
