I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
