Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
