I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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