R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
