i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize