I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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