Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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