Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
