you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
