Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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