Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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