The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
