that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
