I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Soap is not a condiment
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
