i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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