blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
