Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize