you guys were way drunker than both of me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
