Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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