You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
