I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
