i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
