sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
