I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
