Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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