Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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