When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
