apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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