just come out here and I will go home with you...
Non-Jews are for practice
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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