I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize