Sponge bath it is.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
