Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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