No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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