my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
