i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
