Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
why is half of my head shaved?
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