If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
