When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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