Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
