Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
