Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
