there's paper in my vomit.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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