nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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