I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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