dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
