Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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