yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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