Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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