If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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