Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
