so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
