Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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