I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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