I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
