I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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