So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
