I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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