11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
