love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
