Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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