mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
