Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
