I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You are the jesus of drinking
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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