i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
