what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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