ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
