Me too!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
