Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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