$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
