im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
