thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
