You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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