Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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