Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
