this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
no you cant smoke seaweed
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
