Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
