i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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