dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
