Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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