I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
