Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
a search helicopter?!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
