We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
