I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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