Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
