the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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