Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
