my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
