he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
