I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
