No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
