I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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