Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize