Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Be still, my beating vagina.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
