So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
