Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
