I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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