Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
