yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
