When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
