What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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