i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize