my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
