So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
