The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
