SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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