Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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