In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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