Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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