She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
