Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
