from now on my penis is your penis
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
