I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
As shirtless as possible
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
