I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
