Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
