I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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