i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize