: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
