I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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