no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Found your dick twin last night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize