Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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